Death and Disability. Now what? Part 4 – Lessons from a Single Momma #2

If there’s one thing that being a financial planner has taught me, it’s that I always have to be prepared. In previous entries of this blog series, I’ve talked about preparing my estate in the event that I unexpectedly lose my life. But I wrote those at a time when my kids were not old enough to care for themselves yet.

Time has since passed; and things have surely changed a lot. I’ve already covered most of the essential preparations, but there are still a number of things that are worth revisiting. As I’ve said before, regularly checking on your insurance and estate plan is a good practice.

Death

Ensuring My Children Stay Together

When I prepared my estate plan years ago, I didn’t think my four children were quite mature enough to understand the responsibilities they will have for each other in case I’m suddenly taken out of the picture.

Today, however, that’s no longer a concern. I know without a doubt that regardless of what happens to me they will take care of one another. I know that they won’t have problems with splitting my estate between themselves. As a mother, there’s just no better feeling than that – knowing your kids will stay together no matter what.

It was during our vacation to Japan about three years ago when it really hit me that they’ll be fine even without me. I left practically all the planning for that trip to them with the exception of booking the flights. And when we finally arrived at our destination, I was pleasantly surprised at how well all of it came together. But more than the planning, there were actually a number of things that my children did during the trip that stick out.

For instance, the moment we arrived at the airport, my two daughters immediately took charge of finding the train station and navigating the group to the Airbnb we were staying in; they had everything handled. So I simply trusted them and followed. Sure enough, we reached the place without a hitch.

While you always want to let your kids do a lot of things on their own as they grow older, it’s normal to want to step in sometimes and give them a hand. When you’re a parent, you can’t help but be protective of your children. Admittedly, when I was travelling at about their age, I didn’t have that same initiative to take control. I always looked to my parents to tell me where to go or what to do. That’s why I was really impressed with my daughters during that trip. Part of me wanted to step in, but what I saw in them told me, “Yes, perhaps they really are ready to be adults.”

Another thing that I remember was how understanding my son was when his siblings were shopping. We only devoted one afternoon from that entire trip to shop. However, my son didn’t really want to buy anything, so he patiently waited outside the shop with my youngest daughter, who finished picking what she was buying ahead of her older siblings. As time passed, she started growing impatient and complained how her sisters were taking too long. That was when I overheard my son nicely tell her to be patient as it was really the only time my kids had the chance to get something for themselves.

Being the only guy in the group, he also volunteered to carry the heavy luggage throughout the trip. I knew he was mature enough to do all of this, but to actually witness his selflessness, patience, and love for his sisters that way truly made me proud.

Even my youngest daughter showed that she could be just as mature as her siblings. During the trip, I would always walk behind my children, making sure they’re all together and that no one was left behind. In one instance, my youngest daughter started walking slower to hang back with me. She said she didn’t want me to get lost alone. And that if I did get lost, then at least she’d be with me. It seemed such an innocent thing to say at that time. In hindsight though, it told me how much she cared about her family.

They were considerate to each other’s wants and needs throughout the whole trip. And they worked together to make it an enjoyable and relaxing vacation for all the members of the family. How mature they’ve become was overwhelmingly evident. And I’m confident that if ever something were to suddenly happen to me, they would have each other’s backs.

I’m certain that I’ve instilled in them good values that they’ll carry with them as they grow older. So much so that, when I recently revisited my estate plan, the thought of them fighting over my wealth didn’t even cross my mind.

Revisiting My Estate Plan

Speaking of my estate plan, I actually did revisit it recently prior to undergoing a minor medical procedure. The chances of death from that procedure was very slim, but I had to take precautions. As such, there were a number of preparations that I had to take care of first.

The first thing I did was call my sister and my accountant, two people who I trust very much. I spoke to them about becoming advisors for my kids in case something happened to me. Of course, they’re just there to be guides as I trust that my kids are now old enough to make decisions themselves. And I’m letting them do just that, with my two eldest daughters having the final say in important matters.

I also got hold of a bank manager friend of mine to talk to her about preparing my savings account for my kids to withdraw money from. In these situations, it’s good to be really liquid with your assets – to have money ready for use.

Then, I called a real estate agent who facilitated my purchase of a particular piece of property, which I’m still in the process of paying. I discussed with him how he could turnover the property and continue to collect payments from my children in case I’m no longer around.

Finally, I wrote a love letter that contained all my final wishes and messages to my kids and other loved ones. As I discussed in a previous blog entry, I don’t necessarily need a will since, again, I know deep in my heart that money will never get in the way of my kids’ relationship with each other.

Getting Hold of My Memorial Plan

Rounding up my preparations is my memorial plan, more specifically letting my family know that I bought one for myself.

Memorial plans cover a lot, if not all, of the basic funeral services when someone passes away. Having one takes a huge burden off of your family’s backs when time comes, allowing them to grieve and deal with your loss more easily.

In my case, at least my kids don’t have to pay for any funeral expenses anymore; I’ve already paid for everything.

Beyond that, telling my kids about my memorial plan also served as an opportune time to talk to them once again about the inevitable – that I’ll leave them one day, and they’ll be on their own. It’s good to talk about these topics with kids at an early age. If it’s too much to deal with, feed it to them slowly. Believe me, it’s better they understand that this is what will happen in the future than be in denial.

In the end, it’s an act of love that they’ll eventually be thankful to you for.

I’ll be discussing preparations for disability in Part 5 of this blog series.