Birthday Reflections Part 3: My Undisciplined Faith in My Radical God

There was only one period in my life when I questioned the Lord, and it was when my marriage fell apart.

I grew up with a Christian background, having attended Sunday school regularly. It was an academic requirement back then to attend these classes, but I had fun all the same.

This provided me with an environment where I can develop a relationship with God. As I stepped into my college years, I made a huge decision in my faith and got myself baptized. From there, I continued to nurture an intimate relationship with God. But when tragedy fell on my marriage, I couldn’t bring myself to accept the reality that the Lord allowed this to happen in my life.

It was a sudden disruption, where for the longest time I felt content and happy. And it changed how I went about my day-to-day activities.

During this time, I always worked late since I didn’t want to come home early, dreading the thought of being reminded of everything that’s now gone. But of course, I still had to go home and snap back to my sad reality, which involved a lot of sleepless nights and crying spells.

I would not want to go through this period ever again, though it was during this time of feeling empty when I made an important realization – that my world revolved around my kids and I had to keep pushing in life for them. I knew we were already a broken family, and nothing else could happen that would hurt them even more.

It’s in this decision of fighting for my kids and their future where I was convinced that God never left my side, not for a single moment.

Later, as much of my life started to fall back into place, I saw how the Lord led me to make the right decisions.

One of the examples I can recall is when I was offered to move up to a managerial position, after only two years in the business. I appreciated the opportunity, and it was truly an honor, but I didn’t want to become a manager. The strict time commitment and the long meeting hours, among many others – it wasn’t for me.

I enjoy the work that I do, and everything involved in it like meeting and talking to clients. But I didn’t want to divide my time running a team of agents and maintaining relations with clients. If I did, what time would I have left for myself and my family?

I politely declined the offer and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made in life. I get to do a job that I am very passionate about while still having enough time to spend with my kids.

I never lost my faith, though its strength sometimes wavers when life becomes turbulent. Despite knowing that He’s always there, I still worry, feel afraid, and lose sleep over things. But looking back now, I realize that I probably could have given up on life at my lowest point, yet I didn’t. And it is all with Divine Intervention.